Nonno Aldo, Piazza Delle Carceri, Prato, Italy, c. 1929
This post is inspired by a writing challenge series started by Instigator Sandy L @ First Gen American, per the following rules:
1. Write an article with the following as a topic: “What my Dysfunctional ________ taught me about ________.”
2. The article must feature a loved one and an interesting topic
I immediately thought of my Nonno Aldo as an example. I have many fond memories of Nonno, and some not so much so. There’s a number of things that I’ve absorbed as lessons from these memories.
Respect
It wasn’t that Nonno Aldo was necessarily dysfunctional in his relationship with Nonna Silvana. Certain aspects of their marriage could even have been considered commonplace by the standards of their day. He usually referred to the nature of things as a “vecchio contratto” marriage, or “old-fashioned contract”.
It basically meant that he was waited on hand and foot by my grandmother, 24/7. He never lifted a finger to help with the cooking or the cleanup, or laundry, or anything to do with the house. While that might have been forgiven too, given the nature of patriarchal customs in their days, his attitude and behavior towards with my grandmother was sometimes casually contemptuous, and unpleasant for others to see. It improved nothing to intervene.
There are a number of little stories and absurdities in our family about Nonno Aldo and this quirk, but one in particular stands out. After his retirement, there was one cold winter snap where the water went out in the main house for a few days. The only source was in the little utility room, across the wide open courtyard. Water had to be fetched by hand, brought to the house and heated over the stove, and then lugged upstairs. Not an easy task. Nonna Silvana was feeling a bit under the weather, so she asked Nonno if he could help with the water. For his bath. His response was almost incredulous. “Me?! Help You??”. Yes, what a concept.
Not that I want to paint my grandfather entirely as an ogre. He was otherwise a warm, engaging and funny personality. In any event, the main takeaway for me on this is negative one, and pretty simple: don’t be like that, and treat your spouse with respect and dignity.
Clothes
My grandfather was extremely well dressed, but not in a flashy extravagant way. He purchased a few items of tailored clothing every year, and they lasted. They were made with quality cloth and expertly fit. The cuts were classic in style and stayed in fashion throughout the years.
His wardrobe was a model of organization. Everything in its place, and a place for everything, he would say. Every shoe was shined, and every shirt pressed (by Nonna Silvana, of course).
In his retirement, he would dress in coat and tie every day to walk down to the café, sit and read the paper, and argue politics and soccer with his friends. A casual enough environment, but he would be dressed well, for a bella figura, cutting a fine figure.
What to learn: get a few items of quality tailored clothes. They’re a good investment, actually cheaper than cheap clothes in the long run.
Retirement
Nonno Aldo sold his business to his partner and retired at 65. He spent twenty-one years in content retirement, traveling some, but mostly hanging around the house. He stayed mentally sharp up to the very end. There’s one thing that he did every single day, without fail, and that’s solve crossword puzzles. He would get this weekly magazine called La Settimana Enigmistica, a collection of mostly word, picture and crossword puzzles, and funny stories and anecdotes. A bit like a Reader’s Digest for puzzle solvers. He would sit in his chair, smoke the occasional cigarette and patiently chip away at each one. By the end of the week, he’d have everyone done. This definitely helped to keep his mind sharp and active throughout his retirement. Takeaway: don’t let you mind turn to mush after retirement.
Number One Son and his Nonnatella @ the small country chapel in Gugena, c. 1998
Opportunity
Number One Son and his Nonnatella @ the small country chapel in Gugena, c. 1998
At my family’s little summer place in campagna (“in the country”), there is a little stone chapel. A priest from the closest village comes by a couple of times to say Mass for the dozen or so families that live nearby on the hill. It’s a festive occasion, a neighborhood get together.
I was standing in the back with Nonno Aldo sitting in one of the chairs I had brought (you had to bring your own seating). As the Mass wound down, the priest closed with the traditional “Mass if over, go in peace”. At that very moment, my grandfather took his cue to rise. As is sometimes wont to happen with older folks, certain body movements generate activity and, err, releases in the gastric region. Nonno’s fart, in the auditory confines of the small chapel, sounded loud enough to wake the dead.
Every head in the room immediately turned and looked at ME. I was promptly embarrassed speechless by the unwelcome attention, while Nonno serenely made the sign of the cross and walked out, blameless and with not a care in world. My Mom even gave one of those dirty, I’ll-deal-with-you-later looks.
Takeaway: Sometimes, it pays to find a patsy. If you gotta cut one, look for a dog or a kid to blame. The dog can’t talk, and nobody believes the kid.
Hope you liked this article. Check back later for links to other participants in Coffee Talk.
Update: here are some other Coffee Talk participants:
First Gen American: What My Dysfunctional Family Taught Me About Life
Molly on Money: Lessons from my Dysfunctional Boss
Invest It Wisely: What My Dysfunctional Aunt Taught Me About Wealth and Finances
Budgeting in the Fun Stuff: What My Dysfunctional Family Taught Me About Personal Finance
Krusty On Chrissy: What My Dysfuctional Father Taught Me About Love
Growing My Girls: What My Dysfunctional Dog Taught Me About my Limits
[...] 101 Centavos – A few Things I’ve Learned from my “Old Contract” Grandfather [...]
What a terrific and funny story. I’m so glad that many of the men of this generation don’t share Nanno’s old contract beliefs.
Your grandpa sounds like such a character. I’m glad he lived long enough for you to know him and that you were able to learn some great lessons too.
Regrettably, some modern-day Italian men have transitioned from being the head of the family and being waited hand and foot by their wives, to being the head of NO family, and being waited on hand and foot by their Mommies (the “Mammoni” phenomenon).
I feel bad for your Nonna but your Nonno seemed like quite the character otherwise! Good lessons and a funny ending, and it’s good that you had decades of life with him. My own grandfather died when I was a baby so I always wonder what it would have been like to know him.
Invest It Wisely recently posted..What My Dysfunctional Aunt Taught Me About Wealth and Finances
Our family tried to offer an alternative, but Nonna made the decision herself to stick it out. Change is hard.
Very well written 101 that I think I have a pretty good idea on your grandpa now. Unfortunately, in many countries, Nonno’s mentality still survives and prospers.
BeatingTheIndex recently posted..Reliable Energy Lowers 2011 Exit Guidance
Thanks BTI
That’s a fact, in many many parts of the world women are treated abominably. What a waste of human potential.
[...] 101 Centavos - A few Things I’ve Learned from my “Old Contract” Grandfather [...]
Love it! This was my first husband to a T- I use to think he was kidding when he’d ask me to wait on him hand and foot!
Molly On Money recently posted..Coffee Talk: Lessons From My Dysfunctional Boss
Good riddance to Husband #1, then.
I like to kid around with Mrs. 101 that she’s very “sensous”. Hey Honey, since you’s up, can you get me a beer?
I’ve actually argued with Michael for doing too much for me- it can drive me crazy!!
Molly On Money recently posted..Coffee Talk: Lessons From My Dysfunctional Boss
I wonder if your grandmother were allowed the same exquisite taste in clothing. That attitude is not really too old, for me at least. I married a man in 1966 who informed me that he would not help with children, housework, or meals…of course, all this was conveyed to me AFTER I had the first child. No, I divorced him later. He had the fine suits and I made my clothing. The fart story is priceless!
Hi PP – Nonna was very well dressed too (we’re talking Italian fashion, after all). She does didn’t have as much opportunity to wear it, with all the housework.
[...] Coffee Talk: A Few Things I Learned from my “Old Contract” Grandfather (101 Centavos) [...]
Great post, 101C! You painted a vivid picture of your Nonno. It sure seemed like a different way of life at that time and in that place, compared to what we have here today. Almost unimaginable, except I recall meeting people like that when I was younger!
Totally agree with the idea of keeping one’s brain sharp when getting older. I’m far, far from retirement, but realize that things like crossword puzzles are good to do. Probably isn’t too early to think of preventative measures.
Squirrelers recently posted..A Day in the City Well Worth the Investment
Hi Squirrelers – I always thought I’d go back to college or vo-tech after retirement. Now my idea of “retirement” keeps changing, but I think keeping your brains going is definitely a must.
What a great portrait! And he is totally suave and dapper in the photo. I too like the story about the crossword puzzles. Good to learn that things like that do make a difference.
He does look like a dandy, doesn’t he? I have some other photos where he does his model thing, all natty and turned out, complete with the borsello, the Italian man purse.
I too feel sad for your grandmother. I bet she had plenty of stories to tell her friends. Now most young women wouldn’t put up with that. They are able to support themselveds & don’t need to put up with it. Thanks goodness. Great description!
Maggie@SquarePennies recently posted.."Navy Showers" Save Water Big Time
Hi Maggie – another time, another place. In later years, things actually evened out. Given her better health and overall abundant energy, my grandmother once told him that she’d whup him if he gave her too much lip. She was a character, too.
Did your Nonno ever help with anything around the house, like the heavy lifting? I sympathize for your Nonna, but it was a different time then.
However, the crossword puzzle thing does seem to work. My stepfather is 79 and is still as sharp as a tack.
Great post!
Little House recently posted..When a Million Isn’t Enough
My grandfather was not a help-around-the-house guy at all, nor much of a do-it-yourselfer. He did work very hard at his job and his business, but work ended once he got home.
Great post 101 – very much like my family growing up. The brothers would lift the milk pitcher on the kitchen table at supper, see that it was empty, just say `milk` and my mom would get up and fill it. And she used to go clean my 30+ yo brother`s house on a regular basis and fill his fridge with groceries. I still feel badly that we didn`t let her know enough how much we appreciated all that she did for us before she died (those of us that did appreciate it).
After she died though, my dad developed some pretty good cooking skills – but I still go clean his house once in a while.
Jacq recently posted..A trip update in numbers – and some pictures too
Hey, great to have you back!
Interesting your comment about the milk…Nonno Aldo was also famous (or infamous?) for commenting at the dinner table, “Is there bread?”, to no one in general. He might as well have said “Let There Be Bread”, because it instantly materialized at the side of his plate, courtesy of Nonna.
Sounds like your brothers were a bit of “mammoni” as well.
I always feel a bit sorry for the women in earlier generations. They had a choice but they were just so used to the norm. When people ask me what I would go back to witness in a time machine, I honestly think they are nuts. I would never want to go back in time. Give me equality, air conditioning, and the internet please.
That said, it is good you learned so much. Great Coffee Talk!
Crystal @ Travel Insurance Comparison recently posted..Cruise Ship Travel Insurance – The Basics
Hi Crystal – I also chuckle a little inside when I hear people talk about the good ole days…
I need to know if Nonno ever went and got his own bath water or not!!!
What a fantastic post. I want to go to that chapel. (By the way, I guarantee every single adult would have blamed the child!
)
How wonderful that you got to know them so well and have so many memories.
Thanks for writing this post 101!
Everyday Tips recently posted..Thoughts For Thursday: How Remote Garage Door Openers (And Other Trends) Are Ruining Society
Nah, he didn’t. He got his way, as he usually did. Next time you’re in Italy, you’re welcome to stop by the chapel, it’s not too far from this place: Borgo di Gugena Our own little house is about 100 feet down the hill from the chapel. I’ll be there in a couple of weeks, with a big decision to either make some major repairs or sell…
Awesome story. This is definitely in my weekly roundup!
Thanks in advance for the link, Mark ….
Great post 101C. I always blame the baby.